sometimes life throws you a curveball (or seven)

Disclaimer: I've been trying to write this blog post for something close to a year now. Last time I looked at it, it was maybe... March? So, I'm just going to pick up where I left off I guess.

I have a habit of being really excited about writing for this little blog of mine and then falling right out of the bloggosphere. To be fair, this time, I have a valid medical reason to not be writing. (On the same token, all I did was lay on a couch for two weeks straight, so I probably could have mustered something up in between sleeping ;) but oh well!) So let's get down to the nitty gritty. 

First things first (I'm the realest), the medical reason. I can't remember if I've ever talked about this on here, but well over a year ago in March of 2013, I woke up in the middle of the night with the worst possible pain I've ever felt in my back. As soon as I could, I went to the doctor and asked her specifically (at the recommendation of B's mom, who is a nurse) if the pain I felt had to do with my gallbladder while describing the pain I felt and where I felt it. Doc said "nothing to worry about, probably a pinched nerve," and I put it out of my mind because it didn't happen again for a long time. Then, surprise!, it started happening again, albeit sporadically. For pretty much the whole month of October, there were at least one day every week where this happened, if not more, finally culminating in the "OH MY GOD MY INSIDES ARE LAVA" feeling the propelled me out of sleep at 4am screaming on the 19th. I barely made it through and made it to work but I was one wrong movement way from either being in excruciating pain or barfing. Luckily, the managers took pity on me and let me go home. I fell asleep in my car in the driveway seconds after getting home because I was so exhausted. The next day, I called out of work and had B take me to an urgent care.

My Life Is Complete Now

We take a break from our recent spur of serious/somber/mushy posts to bring you this urgent news bulletin:

I met a corgi today. 

Repeat:

I MET A CORGI TODAY

Look at this adorable face and tell me that it isn't the cutest dog in the world (besides Nibbler, of course)

I mean come on

I'm dying of cuteoverload here

 

That is all. ;)

"Let Me Tell You About My Best Friend..."

April 2010

You've got troubles and I've got 'em too

There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you

We stick together and see it through

Robin Williams.

I very much needed this video last semester. I still need it now. I needed it eight years when depression took hold of me the first time. 

As a person who suffers terribly from depression and anxiety, some days it just isn't in the cards to get out of bed. To shower. To eat. To go outside, or even talk to anyone. 

I've lost friends and have had friends get angry at me because they think that I'm being lazy because I just don't have the willpower to get out of bed to see them. 

I had a previous boyfriend blow up on me as being "clingy, childish, and attention-grabbing" because he stopped talking to me on vacation and the last text I sent him, I told him I was scared, tired, and that I wanted to end my life because I just didn't have the will to go through what I was going through anymore. (Thanks to an online friend named Maeve that I'm still here right now. She took the time to talk to me and get me in a good space in my head.)

But I came out of that. I'm fortunate enough to be here right now. But I have several friends who are not here right now. I miss them every day.

And, of course, there will be times where I'll go for months and be fine. Then, suddenly, one day, I won't be fine again. No one did anything to make me upset. Just something in my head clicks out of place and nothing is right anymore.

Yet, in these episodes, it's possible to have "good days." 

These are precious gemstones in a bucket of mud, and your loved ones start to realize that after a while, and try to make the most out of those days. Good days are tricky, though. You'll have a few in a row and you'll think "Oh wow, everything is awesome again!" only to find yourself curled in a ball under every blanket you own a few days later.

Depression isn't picky. Depression will take anyone. It causes your whole body to ache, you lose your appetite, you feel like you're drowning, but without the water. 

Even when there's "nothing to be depressed about," you can still be depressed. 

Like Robin Williams, who was the funniest man alive, had everything he could ever want, had no apparent reason to be sad. He, too, was sad.

Please, if you or a loved one is depressed, reach out, no matter how hard it is. No matter what you think, someone will miss you. 

I will miss you.

O Captain, my captain...

Post by Today Show.